Ward's Reason
by Asha Davis
Summary: my take on why Ward did what he did and how everyone finds out
1. Chapter 1

I've been sitting here for, I don't know, 3 months? You lose track of time when all you do is sit in a bed and wait for absolutely nothing. I don't really know what is worst- doing nothing, losing my family to a man who was supposed to be my hero, or losing all the muscle and stamina I have built up over the years of being an agent.

I am not longer an agent. All I am is a ward of the state. Which is funny because my name is Ward and I am a ward. Ha, ha. Man I need to talk to someone. I am laughing at stupid puns. Over the past, however long I have been in here, I have been thinking. Which is probably the point of solitude.

"Grant Ward." My prison guard's voice says. I poke my head up and look at him.

"You ready?" I nod.

Unfortunately, May got what she wanted. I can no longer talk at all. At first I was devastated, but now I see the glory in it. May might have damaged me permanently, but now I can't tell them what they want. There original methods of torturing information out of me have been screwed. They can't do any method that involves me talking. I have to write everything down. I am being walked into a room. Time for my mid-day interrogation.

I am sat down in a chair. One hand cuffed to a chair the other free so I can write. Across from me is Nick Fury. For the first 2 months they had different people try to get information out of me. Coulson, May, Simmons, Skye, Triplett, random agents they have wrangled back together and even Romanoff and Barton. Finally they decided to break out the big guns.

"So, Grant Jacob Ward, that is your name right?" He asks me. This is the 8th or 9th time he has interrogated me. He knows my name, but I go along with it and nod.

"You planning on talking- I mean writing to me today." He always does that. I shake my head no. To be honest I am not totally sure why I am not cooperating with him. Maybe it is because I still feel like I have to be loyal to Garret or maybe because it is all I have keeping me alive. I am afraid that once I give them their information they need, they will kill me. I mean what is the point of wasting space, air and food on a person they are just waiting to die. It's not like I actually have a family that would fight for my life. My real family wants me in jail and my other family is the one that put in me jail.

"Humph, I see. So yesterday I went over and check up on your ex-teammates." This makes me perk up. I really still do care about them. I always did. They were and still are my family. "Don't worry they are well. Fitz is walking again. He is still having trouble picking things up and getting words out of his mouth. But he still can talk better than you can. Luckily his genus mind is still functioning. Skye gave me a message. It was to tell you that she hates you. May was glad to hear you can't talk anymore. Director Coulson is doing a wonderful job at repairing S.H.I.E.L.D. Simmons was not really interested in hearing about you. And Tripplet said to let you know that he is praying that you rot in your cell for the rest of all eternity."

I pound my fist on the table. I look up and see Fury smiling, he thinks he's got me but is couldn't be more wrong. Hearing they hate me is what is keeping me closed. As long as I am silent, metaphorically, they are still forced to think about me. And that is all I need, them thinking about me.

Breathing heavily I slump down on my bed. Today was the hardest day of interrogation I have ever had to face. But he never broke me. I can tell Fury is starting to lose his patience in me. I wonder what happens when the most secretive man alive loses his patience. My dinner is brought to me. I don't eat it. I just lay down and go to sleep.

**Question: Do any of you actually like Ward still? **


	2. Chapter 2

"You got a lot of guts son." Fury hisses into my ear. We have been at this for hours or at least that's what it feels like. For the past week things have been a blur of different torture methods. Both physical and emotional, but he won't break me. My body is broken and I no longer even have the energy to reach my arm up to the table to write down everything he wants to know, but even if I have the energy to do it, I won't. Finally Fury releases me to my 'hole' as he calls it. His words fly through my head as I lie down to sleep.

_Why did you betray the only people who have ever actually liked you?_

_Why was working for HYDRA so attractive to you?_

_How could someone so smart be so stupid as to piss off the most deadly organization on the planet?_

For the first time I decide to answer these questions.

Question: Why did you betray the only people who have ever actually liked you?

Answer: I never betrayed them, I only protected them in ways they didn't really like.

Question: Why was working for HYDRA so attractive to you?

Answer: I never wanted to work for anyone but John Garrett. I was never loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D. or HYDRA, just Garrett.

Question: How could someone so smart be so stupid as to piss off the most deadly organization on the planet?

Answer: I followed Garrett blindly. Pissing off S.H.I.E.L.D. was not what I set out to do, it was only a side effect.

None of these questions get down to the real reason why I followed Garrett even after I realized what he wanted me to do was wrong and not something I wanted to do. I could tell them why. It is actually a good reason. One that would get my respect and honor back. It might even get me back my badge. The reason I don't tell anyone is because it's way to klee shay and almost unbelievable. They won't take me back or allow the idea of me telling the truth. Plus, I don't deserve to be let or given a second chance. I don't want one. If they gave me a second chance they would all be weak idiots. The cost of protecting them is my life and for some reason I am oaky with that. After a while of reminiscing, my eye lids get heavy and finally I slip into darkness

"Grant Ward." My prison guard says waking me up. I open my eyes and look at him. He as unlocked the door and is waiting for me. I roll out of bed and follow him to the room I have spent too much time in.

"Good morning!" Fury says smiling. He is eating a donut and drinking coffee. I nod as to say 'good morning' back to him.

"So last night I went to my room and started thinking to myself. Why isn't this working? Why can't I break you? Then is hit me. You are not afraid of me." That is true I am not afraid of Nick Fury. I know I should be, but after serving a sociopath for so long nothing seems to have the ability to scare me.

"Then I got thinking again, what is Grant Ward afraid. A man with the shear balls to piss off an atomic bomb can't be afraid of much, but there must be something even he is scared of. Everyone has something that scares them, even Romanoff and Barton. It took a couple hours and one too many shots, but I got it. I know what you fear most." He is looking at me straight in the eye. I force myself to look at him back. I can feel it in my bones, he knows what it is.

"Grant Ward or Grant Hummel as you were once known." I snap. I throw my head into the back of my chair. I start to breathe a little heavier. Memories start to creep out of the very corners of my mind.

"That's right. I know all your secrets. Your brothers, sister, mother and father. All of them and what they have done to you and what you have done to them. You tried to erase that part of your life. You changed your last name from Hummel to Ward. According to the general population Grant Hummel died years and years ago in a car accident while trying to escape a prison breakout. But you see Mr. Hummel that was your mistake. You can't change history. You can't change who. you. are." He is smiling ear to ear. He has me and he knows he has me. I try and focus on staying calm and unaffected, but I am too busy fighting of the memories. Bits and pieces are daring to come through. But still there are no flash back.

"This will break you like an egg shell underneath a brick." He sticks a needle in my arm and liquid starts to pump into my arm. My vision blurs and the wall in my mind tumbles over. All the horrible memories of my childhood flood out all at once.

**Any requests on what you want some of Ward's memories to be just tell me in the comment section bellow! **

**Question: Do you think it is possible for Garret to still be alive? **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_"This will break you like an egg shell underneath a brick." He sticks a needle in my arm and liquid starts to pump into my arm. My vision blurs and the wall in my mind tumbles over. All the horrible memories of my childhood flood out all at once._

"GRANT!" A woman's voice yells. Her voice is something similar to a banshee.

"Yes mommy." My four year old voice shakes. I am standing in the room I had when I was four. I shared it with my brothers. All that was in the room was single bare mattress, blanket and a bunch of cloths on the floor.

"Get your a- over here!" She barks at me. My little legs start to run to the living room. I try to stop them, because know what happens next. But I can't, you can't change the past.

"Where the hel-….where did I? Why are you here?" She asks me. She is obviously high.

"Because you called me." I squeak. Even as a four year old I knew what it meant to be high.

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

_Stop Grant, you don't know what you are about to get yourself into._

"No. I. Didn't." She insists.

"Yes. You. Did." I copy. Even though I knew what it meant to be high, I didn't know what to do when you were with someone who was high.

_PLEASE!_

"NO I DIDN'T!" She yells like a banshee.

"Yes-"SMACK. A hand strikes my face.

_Here is comes…._

"What did I tell you about arguing with me?" She picks me up by me shirt. I try to wiggle out and run away, but I can't. Seconds later I am thrown into an empty closet. She then locks the door and walks away.

"Mommy!" I cry.

"You can come out when you are good boy. Got it?"

_And there it is._

I crawl over to the door and press my ear to it. I listen to the sounds of her injecting herself with more and more drugs. She is playing the how high can I get myself, game. Eventually I couldn't hear her anymore. I figured she must just passed out on the couch.

"Jesse?" My gruff and slightly drunk father mumbles about an hour later when he walks into the house.

"JESSE!" She doesn't answer.

"JESSIE!" Still no answer. I peek under the door and watch his feet. He is by my mother. She is lying on the ground. He picks her up and runs out of the house. I later learned that she over dosed herself. For the next 3 weeks she in a coma, but then somehow wakes up. But as a four year old locked in a closet, I didn't know that. All I knew was something was wrong with my mother and I am locked in a closet. And the only person who knows I am in here is currently not awake or possible alive. I fell asleep about 15 minutes later.

When I wake up the house is still empty.

"Hello?" No answer.

_No one is home you idiot. _

"Hello!" Still no answer, and there is isn't an answer for 11 days.

While I was sleeping my dad had my brothers and sister dropped off at different people's houses. Friends, neighbors, aunts and uncles, it changed day to day. My father, being the horrible one he was, didn't even realize I was missing. And neither did anyone else. They all figured I was at someone else's house.

Those 11 days where torture. I was hot and sweaty. I was thirsty and hungry. I ended up going to the bathroom in the corner. My dad never came home, not once. He was either with my mom or doing is 2nd favorite thing next to doing drugs, selling them. He almost never was home when things where normal. The only reason I got out was because my siblings came home to get some of their stuff. All the pain I felt in those 11 days I had to render. Once my sister opens the door, everything gets blurry again.

"Do my homework." My older brother Maynard demands.

_Is this?_

"No, way." My high pitched 11 year old voice tells him. He pounds his fist on the table.

_No, it can't be…_

"That's not going to make me do your homework." I tell him calmly. After years of abuse form him, my mom and dad. A loud noise was not about to cause me to cave.

_It is._

"But this will" Before I can register what he has just said a fist comes flying toward me. I am knocked to ground. I brace myself for another blow. But I don't receive one. Maynard just jumps up from his spot at the kitchen table and runs to our room. I get back up and return to adding fractions. A couple minutes later, Maynard sits back down and smiles at me.

"Do my homework." He smiles.

"Nooo?" I am confused, he must have taken some of mom and dad's drugs. He lunges toward me and forces me into a head lock. He then picks me up by the neck and drags me to our bedroom. Waiting for me is an open wooden box that we keep our cloths in. He throws me into the box and shuts and locks it. The box is cramped and I barely fit into it.

"Is that all you got?" I retort. Why did I have to just say that? I know what is about to happen, and I don't like it. Holes are poked into the top of the box for air. Then a large hole is carved into the top of it. Next, Maynard drags me outside.

"What are you doing?" My voice asks.

_What do you think he is about to do?_

Seconds later a pipe is shoved into the large hole. Next the squeal of something rusty being turned. Following the squeal is water. Maynard has just turned on the hose. Water quickly fills my box. I scream the whole time. I press my face to one of the air holes trying to get enough air.

"Please! Please!" I beg him. Finally the hose stops. My mouth is gasping for air from the pencil sized air holes in the top of the box. Next, he walks away. For the next 30 minutes I am pushing my face to the top of the box. My legs and arms are cramping up. I head is getting dizzy from the lack of air. The small amounts I am getting, doesn't seem to be enough. Right when I am about to give up, Maynard opens the box. I use the rest of my energy to flop out of the box onto the ground.

"Guess you'll do my homework from now on, huh?" He laughs and walks away. Things start to get blurry again.

I know what the next memory is. This one isn't about my mom or brother or anyone in my family. It is about S.H.I.E.L.D. agent John Garrett.

**One more memory and then Ward's reason! Was that chapter confusing? Was it clear that the italics where current Ward's words.**

**Question: Who is your least favorite Agent?**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Before I release you to the mission field I have one last lesson to teach you." John Garret tells a 21 year old version of myself. We are sitting in a truck and heading who knows where.

"What is it?" I grunt. I am still a little bit shaken about Buddy. An hour ago I was told to kill my best and most loyal friend I had ever had. John said that not killing him was a sigh of weakness. I spent 5 years in the woods extracting every bit of weakness in me. Although when I came down to it, I couldn't even kill the old, faithful dog.

"I need you to kidnap someone."

"WHAT!?" I yell at him.

_You shouldn't have done that Ward._

The look John gives me is deadly.

_Told you._

"I mean- Why,… sir." He allows the recovery.

_Does it really matter why? He just asked you to kidnap someone._

"You need to prove that you can find a target and retrieve it. You also need to prove that you can do any mission, no matter if it goes against your 'moral compass'." He informs me.

"Yes sir." I say quietly. He pulls over to a rest stop and we get out. We walk over to a bench and sit down. No one is around to hear us talking.

"You have 10 hours to bring a 15 year old girl who is 5 foot 4 to this location." He hands me a piece of paper with an address on it." She also needs to have light blonde hair and green eyes." He instructs me.

"Why the specifics?" I ask him.

_To be more creepy._

"To prove you can find a target."

"Where am I supposed to find someone with that description in 10 hours?"

"That's you problem." He stands up and walks to the truck. We get in.

"Oh hey, I think my wallet fell out of my pocket. Can you go back to the bench and look for it?" He asks me.

_Don't fall for it._

"Yeah, I got it." I jump out of the truck and head toward the bench. But the second I get out of the car, John backs up and leaves me in the middle of the side walk, alone.

_What'd I say?_

"THANKS A LOT!" I yell after him.

I doesn't take long for me to hijack a car and soon I am headed for a high school. When I get to James Alhill Community High School it is about 2:10. I have a while before school gets out. I set up a spot to watch for girls. Time passes and finally the bell rings. Seconds later teenagers are pushing and shoving to get out of the building. I start to fanatically looking. I don't have much time before the crowd will clear and I will be left with nothing.

_You can stop this Ward. All you have to do is hop back into the car and never look back._

Right when things start to look gloomy, I spot her. A girl who matches the description John gave me perfectly. She has silky blonde hair and her radiant green eyes are visible even from a distance. She even looks like she is the right age. Best of all, she is alone. No clan of friends following her around. I jump in the car I stole and start to follow her home. I drive up to her.

"Hey, need a lift?" I ask her. I feel like one of those guys from a horror movie.

_Run girl run._

"No thank you." She says looking uncomfortable.

"Come on." I lightly beg her. She adjusts herself uncomfortably. This is only going to get me arrested. I have to think of something else. I notice the red rings around her eyes and how bloated her face looks. I also notice that she is s pretty girl walking home alone, without a boyfriend at her hip.

"Let me guess, boyfriend break up with you today?" She stares at me and then nods. Tears flood her eyes and she starts to cry.

"Is it that obvious?" She sobs.

"Don't cry! Don't cry! Why don't you let me give you a ride home, huh?" I offer. She nods her head and jumps into my car. I feel dirty, but I have to do this.

_Just take the poor girl home._

"Thank you." She sniffs as she hops into the car.

"Where do you live?" I ask her, making sure to play the part.

"On Mill Creek Lane." I listen to her story about how her boyfriend Tim broke up with her and is now going out with her now ex- best friend Liz.

"Can you grab my wallet, it's on the floor by your feet?" I ask her when we are a little bit away from the spot I picked her up from.

_Funny, John used the same trick on you a couple hours ago._

"Yeah, sure." She bends down and looks for it. When she bends down I quickly throw her head against the side of the door, knocking her unconscious.

"Sorry about that." I mutter.

_No you are not._

I then head off to the address John gave me. I only takes me about 20 minutes to get there, luckily the girl never wakes up. The address takes me to an abandon house in the middle of nowhere. When I pull up, John is waiting for me on the porch. He motions me to pull into the garage. There he helps me take the girl into the house. When we get her in the house we tie her up to a chair.

"So what now?" I ask him.

"We wait for her to wake up." That only takes about 10 minutes.

"Wha... Where am I?" She asks. "Who are you people?"

_Your kidnaps, who are you?_

"How old are you?" John asks her calmly.

"What, where am I? Who are you?" She looks close to tears.

"I'll tell you everything you want to know, after you answer my question. How old are you?" The girl looks conflicted on whether or not to answer. But finally she does.

"I'm 16." She says softly.

"Hear that? She's 16." John says to me.

"So?"

"SO? I told you 15."

"I am close, aren't I?" I beg. He looks at me a little bit, but then turns back to the girl.

"Now answer my questions. Who are you and where am I?" She says franticly.

"My name is John Garret and this is Grant Ward. You are at an abandon house and you are my hostage." The girl looks terrified. She starts to hyperventilate.

"What do we do now?" I ask John franticly. This girl is terrified.

_How do you not have compassion for this poor girl?_

"You kill her." John tells me like I should have already known that.

_Don't do it._

"What?"

"I said now you kill her."

_I'm warning you._

"I heard you it's just that… why?" I am repulsed.

_You don't want to do this._

"Well since you seem to have a soft spot for killing. You need to get rid of that weakness."

"What do you mean by that?"

_What do you think he means you restard?_

"I mean that since you couldn't kill a dog you now have to make up for it by killing something else. Something that is much harder to kill, an innocent human life."

The girl is yelling and screaming. I reach into my belt and grab my gun. I point it at the girl, then I pull back the trigger. The screaming stops, never to start again. What have I done? This guilt will never leave me. I didn't even think twice before I shot that girl.

_I told you, you didn't want to do that. I warned you._

The room gets blurry and Furry starts to come back into focus. He is sitting across from me, still drinking coffee and eating a donut. How long was I out?

"That was memory serum, you can thank of your friend agent Simmons for that." Furry says to me. Finally, I am back to the real world. "The serum is meant to bring back our worst memories and force us to real live them.

I nod my head, mission accomplished.

"So, Grant Hummel, are you ready to cooperate with me?"

Furry has won, he knows it and I know it. I nod letting him know I am willing to give him what he wants.

"Good" He smiles. "I want to know something, what was your reason. What was your reason for betraying S.H.E.I.L.D.?"

That is the question I wish he would have asked a long time ago. But now that he has asked it, I wish he wouldn't have. I take a deep breath and pick out the pencil that is lying in front of me and begin to write.

_I did it to protect them._

"Do you mind elaborating on that?" Furry asks me. I don't really want to, but I am scared he will give me another dose of the memory serum.

_When I realized that Garrett's plan to get back at S.H.E.I.L.D. required hurting the people I had grown to love, I instantly wanted out. I wanted to betray him, but I knew I couldn't. If I had betrayed Garrett the first thing he would have done would have been to kill the team. He would have killed Skye, Simmons, May, Coulson and Fitz. Then after all of that, he would have killed me. I never wanted to hurt them, only save them._

Furry picks up the letter and reads it. When he is done. He looks up and looks at me, probably wonder whether or not to believe what I have just told him.

"If what you are telling me is true then I am going to feel pretty damn bad for locking you up in here. But I don't know if I should believe you." Furry tells me. I reach over and grab the paper from his hands.

_Think about all the times I could have killed Skye and May and Coulson and Fitz and Simmons. I was supposed to kill Fitz and Simmons, but I put them in the escape pod. I was supposed to kill Skye a bunch of times, but I let her get away. I don't expect you to believe me, but it's the truth. And I don't really want any more of that memory serum. _

After Furry reads the note he looks at me and says. "Against my better judgment, I believe you."

**One more chapter! **

**Question: Do you think in season 2 Ward will be let back on the team or is he just going to be locked up the whole season?**


	5. Chapter 5

**This is it!**

Chapter 5

"Come on Ward, 5 more!" Agent Lee cheers. I nod and do 5 more pushups. That makes 200 consecutive pushups.

"Good job, you can go now. You are down for the day." He tells me.

Agent Kaleb Lee is in charge of getting me back into combat shape. While in solitude confinement, I didn't really get a chance to work out. After Furry told me that he believe me I was released. Well, not that fast. It took about a month. Furry had to convince people, Simmons, Coulson, Skye, Triplett, Fitz and May, that is was okay to release me. Since my freedom, which has been 5 weeks now, I've been inducted back into S.H.I.E.L.D., under probation of course. I've only got about 3 more weeks of training till I'll be given my first assignment. Unfortunately, I won't be special operations anymore. That got ruined when May screwed my voice.

I haven't seen anyone from the bus since I got here. By 'here' I mean the Playground. The Playground is where every known and active S.H.I.E.L.D. agent is right now. It's a big facility, bigger than the Fridge. So the fact that I haven't seen any of them is not surprising. I pick up my stuff and head to my room. Everything here is cramped. My 'room' is Japanese sleeping pod, but that's what everyone sleeps in. I arrive at my 'room' and realize, I'm hungry. I drop my stuff off in my pod and walk to the cafeteria.

There are a couple other agents already eating. It's 7 at night. Everyone here is on a different schedule so things can be a little hectic. I grab a sandwich and sit in a seat in the corner of the room. I am always alone. I don't talk, at all, and I don't every associate with other people. I leave them alone and they leave me alone. Which is perfectly fine with me, it gives me time to think. Which you would think I would have had enough of already.

"Hi." I jump at the sound of her voice, it's Skye. My eyes practically pop out of my skull when I see her.

"I'm sorry that I haven't been around to see you. It's just hard you know?" She looks at me like she expects me to talk back. I point to my throat and mouth the words 'Can't talk'. She seems to understand.

"Oh yeah, sorry I forgot…" We sit in silence for a while, even if I could talk, I wouldn't.

"So, this was nice. But I should really got going." She says as she gets up.

WAIT, don't go! I grab her arm. She looks startled, but sits back down anywat. I grab the notepad I keep in my pocket and write-

_A couple months ago, right after Garrett turned into a lunatic, he told me that now that he had what he wanted, I could have what I wanted. All I had to do was tell him and he would make sure I got what I wanted. When he said this to me I realized all I wanted was…. You. You and Simmons and Fitz and May and Coulson and Triplett and the Bus… I wanted things to go back to the way they were before. Before you guys found out about HYDRA and Garrett. _

I hand the letter to Skye.

"That's… very nice Ward. But things can never be the way they were before." She says coldly and she gets up and starts to walk away. I grab the notepad and jot something down quickly. Then I jump up and run after her. When I get to her, I grab her arm and throw the notepad at her.

_I know that. I knew that. Please, just let me back. Let me back into your life_

"I don't know Grant. It's just all so crazy."

_Please_- I write.

"Fine, maybe." She says smiling. I smile back.

I know Skye, a smile and a maybe means yes. I watch her walk away. As she turns the corner, I see May walking this direction. She hasn't seen me yet, so I quickly turn around and run back to my pod. May kinda scares me. When I get there, I practically dive into my pod. I can't stop smiling. Today I did not get my friends or voice back. I did not get the life I had before. But I got hope and that is something I have never had before.

I have always been afraid of something or someone. My brother, the law, Garrett all those things had control over my life. All of them, at one point, caused me to be fearful. I could never be myself and I have never been able to control my own life. And now, for the first time, that's not true. I can control my own life and I can tell myself what to do. I now have something to look forward to. I now have a life worth living.

**That's all folks**

**Question: Do you think it was a good idea for Furry to give his position of Director to Coulson?**


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